Custody documentation checklist

A consistent habit of documenting is what makes a record credible later.

• Keep one record for everything — incidents, messages, missed exchanges, appointments
• Write entries as close to the event as possible, while details are fresh
• Record the date and time of every entry
• Stick to facts: what happened, who said what, who was there
• Keep backups of your originals in a second location
• Never edit or re-save an original message, photo or screenshot — keep the original file untouched

One complete entry is worth more than five vague ones.

• Date, time and location of the incident
• Everyone who was present, including the children
• The exact words said or written — quote them where you have them
• What led up to it, and what happened afterward
• How the incident affected the children that day
• What you did in response (calls made, messages sent, plans changed)

Communication is usually the strongest evidence of a controlling pattern.

• Save full text and email threads, not single messages out of context
• Capture screenshots with dates, times and the other party's name visible
• Log phone calls: date, time, who called, length and subject
• Note missed calls, refused calls and messages that went unanswered
• Keep copies of anything sent through a court-ordered or co-parenting app
• Record messages relayed through the children or through third parties

Repeated changes around custody time are often the clearest pattern in a case.

• Late arrivals and early pickups or drop-offs, with times
• Exchanges cancelled or rescheduled at short notice
• Times you were refused contact with your children
• Whether you were told in advance, and how
• Refusals to return clothing, medication, schoolwork or belongings
• Messages arranging or confirming each exchange

Financial abuse is evidence too, and it is often the easiest to prove with documents.

• Child support or agreed payments withheld or paid late
• Shares of medical, school or activity costs not reimbursed
• Repeated demands for receipts or justification for spending
• Restricted access to shared accounts, cards or utilities
• Bills or costs redirected to you unexpectedly
• Disputes over expenses that were already agreed in writing

Shows the court how the current arrangement is actually working.

• Each time an existing order or parenting plan provision is not followed
• The exact provision you believe was violated, in your own words
• Appointments: who scheduled, who was notified, who attended
• Medical, therapy or school matters you were not told about
• School events, conferences and deadlines missed
• Requests you made for records or information, and the response

Turning entries into an organized record is what makes them useful.

• Group incidents by type so repeated behaviour is visible
• Note the control tactic involved, if one applies (intimidation, coercion, using the children, financial control)
• List witnesses: what each person saw and whether they would speak to it
• Flag entries you may need affidavits for
• Keep a short chronology for your attorney rather than sending raw notes
• Review the record before hearings and bring organized copies